This Ain't Your Mammas Old Record Player!

So you have your collection of vintage and new vinyls stacked in a milk crate on your shelf taking up valuable space that you could use for, oh, lets say...your T-Ball trophy from when you were 6 years old. The faces of Carole King and Hall & Oates stare at you, wishing you would get a damn record player that is worthy of sticking its needle in their fine vinyl grooves. Well keep your crate and throw away the trophy (really, what sad childhood glory-day memories are you trying to hold on to anyway?) cause here it is!

"This turntable makes the Gramophone seem so 1887."

The Ferrari red Music Hall mmf-2.2le ($499) is a belt-driven vinyl merry-go-round of modern style. The moving magnet phono cartridge along with the one piece alloy tonearm gives you the rich sound that only vinyl can produce. It requires enough manual control that lets you feel more connected to the music you are playing. It has a two speed (33/45) belt pulley in which you manually switch the belt to achieve a different speed. The manual On/Off switch coupled with the manual tonearm is its only downfall...when the record has played, the tonearm stays scratching on the inner label...but as I previously stated, it's what makes you feel more connected and in control.
These turntables have a place in every room at the swanky-hipster Ace Hotel in Palm Springs, CA (which I was tempted to swipe, but the previous tenants already did. Way to ruin it for the rest of us guys!)

Chumby Is Not A Dirty Word!

Meet

(Not to be confused with...)

Chubbles!

How many times have you waken up in bed after all night bender with a strange tranny looking shadow in bed next to you? You want so badly to Tweet or Facebook about it, but you don't want to get up out of bed and go to the computer for fear of waking up what could possibly be the most jagged-toothed, crater-faced, triple-amputee'd specimen to ever touch your bed...and possibly your naughty bits! Here's a gizmo-gadgety thing that would fit perfectly in your waste of space and toilet paper of a life!

"If you're looking for a toy, the Chumby is not for you...If you're looking for today's weather and information on tranny-amputee fetishes well then step right up!"

To say the Chumby (starting at $199.50) is a wonder-gadget is a gross understatement. Having access and control to all the great parts of the internet without all the useless fillers, all while presenting it in a cute, contained product is what makes it deserving of a place on all night stands, cubicles, and coffee tables around the country. You can customize your Chumby with many different widgets that fit your specifications. From internet radio, alarm clocks, and games to news feeds, social networking sites, and Photos...your head can explode from all the different possibilities of widgets (okay, that may be a bit extreme)! The Chumby hooks up to wi-fi and is constantly updating so you can guarantee you'll always have the most recent traffic reports or the current price of rice in china (if you happen to be a sushi chef or going to a wedding). With a variety of colors to choose from, you can make sure you get one that matches your personality, or the dog piss stains on your carpet.

(Chumby via TechCrunch)

When Princesses Fall From Grace!

Dina Goldstein a self-proclaimed "West Coast Photog with International Flair" is the shutterbug responsible for hunting down these has-been "Belle's of the Beauty Queen Scene". She hunts down the fallen failures and exploits them for personal gain and recognition. I say we protest!...we protest for all the children who look up them! We must stop her! For God's sake...cancer-ridden Rapunzel just lost her hair, must she be publicly humiliated too!?

YOU CREATE: What Is This? What Should Be Made From It?

This interesting...thing came from the Rose Bowl Flea Market. What is this orange globe of goodness? What should it's purpose be?

Picture Yourself....Well Just Get A Picture Of Yourself!

Just when you thought you've seen it all, something like this comes along and completely throws out the laws of what you thought reality was. Thanks Motion Portrait for making me question the universe...yet again! I'm sure next you're going to tell me that there will be celebrity's creating and eating high calorie milkshakes...like that would ever happen!Motion Portrait, the company responsible for the beginning of the end of all humans, has come out with a program mpCHANGE! You upload a still photo of yourself, your friends, or your dead great-grandmother and through the devil, your still pictures come to life...blinking eyes and all! You can give your dead granny a moustache, yourself and afro, or your girlfriend some ambition (okay that was a lie, that's coming with the update).

Girls...Is Your Webcam Staring At Your Tits?

*Actual Ad from Website!

So your inanimate webcam might not be staring you up and down, but if you buy this cam "SlickGweedo1972" will not only be able to eye f**k you, but can almost give you a proper "TF"! (If you don't know what that is, than you might want to ask your son...or daughter!)

"If Wall-E ever had a perverted third-cousin, twice-removed...this would be it!"

Novo has created the "minoru" ($89.00), a stereoscopic 3D dirty-old-man of a webcam.

"Connect Minoru to your PC and he will come alive, his eyes will light up and he will be looking at you in 3D." -Minoru Website

Compatible with MSN, skype, YouTube, and more means getting your chi-chi's seen by anyone who is willing to look at those sad, saggedy pancakes attached to your chest. Unfortunately all you sophisticated MAC users (like myself), it doesn't look like you will be able to join in the fun. I guess you'll have to stick to 2D cams and an impeccable imagination!

You're As Cold As Ice...Shots!

I love it when I happen to Stumble Upon something I never knew I NEEDED! The God of Wino's has indeed blessed us all with this icy invention.

"This is the best thing to happen to Jager bombs since bull bile!"

Fred & Friends has found a niche that has previously been untapped...poor college kids with no money and nothing in their dorm but booze and water...and the occasional 29 year old career minded types...but nobody is judging. Meet Cool Shooters! ($7.99). With a mold of 4 glasses made from food-grade silicone rubber, all you have to do is fill it up with water or your favorite juice (Red Bull) and pop it in the ice box for an hour or two. Once frozen, just pop out the shotglass and fill with your booze of choice (preferably Jagermeister) and enjoy...you misled youth!