This Ain't Your Mammas Old Record Player!

So you have your collection of vintage and new vinyls stacked in a milk crate on your shelf taking up valuable space that you could use for, oh, lets say...your T-Ball trophy from when you were 6 years old. The faces of Carole King and Hall & Oates stare at you, wishing you would get a damn record player that is worthy of sticking its needle in their fine vinyl grooves. Well keep your crate and throw away the trophy (really, what sad childhood glory-day memories are you trying to hold on to anyway?) cause here it is!

"This turntable makes the Gramophone seem so 1887."

The Ferrari red Music Hall mmf-2.2le ($499) is a belt-driven vinyl merry-go-round of modern style. The moving magnet phono cartridge along with the one piece alloy tonearm gives you the rich sound that only vinyl can produce. It requires enough manual control that lets you feel more connected to the music you are playing. It has a two speed (33/45) belt pulley in which you manually switch the belt to achieve a different speed. The manual On/Off switch coupled with the manual tonearm is its only downfall...when the record has played, the tonearm stays scratching on the inner label...but as I previously stated, it's what makes you feel more connected and in control.
These turntables have a place in every room at the swanky-hipster Ace Hotel in Palm Springs, CA (which I was tempted to swipe, but the previous tenants already did. Way to ruin it for the rest of us guys!)

Chumby Is Not A Dirty Word!

Meet

(Not to be confused with...)

Chubbles!

How many times have you waken up in bed after all night bender with a strange tranny looking shadow in bed next to you? You want so badly to Tweet or Facebook about it, but you don't want to get up out of bed and go to the computer for fear of waking up what could possibly be the most jagged-toothed, crater-faced, triple-amputee'd specimen to ever touch your bed...and possibly your naughty bits! Here's a gizmo-gadgety thing that would fit perfectly in your waste of space and toilet paper of a life!

"If you're looking for a toy, the Chumby is not for you...If you're looking for today's weather and information on tranny-amputee fetishes well then step right up!"

To say the Chumby (starting at $199.50) is a wonder-gadget is a gross understatement. Having access and control to all the great parts of the internet without all the useless fillers, all while presenting it in a cute, contained product is what makes it deserving of a place on all night stands, cubicles, and coffee tables around the country. You can customize your Chumby with many different widgets that fit your specifications. From internet radio, alarm clocks, and games to news feeds, social networking sites, and Photos...your head can explode from all the different possibilities of widgets (okay, that may be a bit extreme)! The Chumby hooks up to wi-fi and is constantly updating so you can guarantee you'll always have the most recent traffic reports or the current price of rice in china (if you happen to be a sushi chef or going to a wedding). With a variety of colors to choose from, you can make sure you get one that matches your personality, or the dog piss stains on your carpet.

(Chumby via TechCrunch)

When Princesses Fall From Grace!

Dina Goldstein a self-proclaimed "West Coast Photog with International Flair" is the shutterbug responsible for hunting down these has-been "Belle's of the Beauty Queen Scene". She hunts down the fallen failures and exploits them for personal gain and recognition. I say we protest!...we protest for all the children who look up them! We must stop her! For God's sake...cancer-ridden Rapunzel just lost her hair, must she be publicly humiliated too!?

YOU CREATE: What Is This? What Should Be Made From It?

This interesting...thing came from the Rose Bowl Flea Market. What is this orange globe of goodness? What should it's purpose be?

Picture Yourself....Well Just Get A Picture Of Yourself!

Just when you thought you've seen it all, something like this comes along and completely throws out the laws of what you thought reality was. Thanks Motion Portrait for making me question the universe...yet again! I'm sure next you're going to tell me that there will be celebrity's creating and eating high calorie milkshakes...like that would ever happen!Motion Portrait, the company responsible for the beginning of the end of all humans, has come out with a program mpCHANGE! You upload a still photo of yourself, your friends, or your dead great-grandmother and through the devil, your still pictures come to life...blinking eyes and all! You can give your dead granny a moustache, yourself and afro, or your girlfriend some ambition (okay that was a lie, that's coming with the update).

Girls...Is Your Webcam Staring At Your Tits?

*Actual Ad from Website!

So your inanimate webcam might not be staring you up and down, but if you buy this cam "SlickGweedo1972" will not only be able to eye f**k you, but can almost give you a proper "TF"! (If you don't know what that is, than you might want to ask your son...or daughter!)

"If Wall-E ever had a perverted third-cousin, twice-removed...this would be it!"

Novo has created the "minoru" ($89.00), a stereoscopic 3D dirty-old-man of a webcam.

"Connect Minoru to your PC and he will come alive, his eyes will light up and he will be looking at you in 3D." -Minoru Website

Compatible with MSN, skype, YouTube, and more means getting your chi-chi's seen by anyone who is willing to look at those sad, saggedy pancakes attached to your chest. Unfortunately all you sophisticated MAC users (like myself), it doesn't look like you will be able to join in the fun. I guess you'll have to stick to 2D cams and an impeccable imagination!

You're As Cold As Ice...Shots!

I love it when I happen to Stumble Upon something I never knew I NEEDED! The God of Wino's has indeed blessed us all with this icy invention.

"This is the best thing to happen to Jager bombs since bull bile!"

Fred & Friends has found a niche that has previously been untapped...poor college kids with no money and nothing in their dorm but booze and water...and the occasional 29 year old career minded types...but nobody is judging. Meet Cool Shooters! ($7.99). With a mold of 4 glasses made from food-grade silicone rubber, all you have to do is fill it up with water or your favorite juice (Red Bull) and pop it in the ice box for an hour or two. Once frozen, just pop out the shotglass and fill with your booze of choice (preferably Jagermeister) and enjoy...you misled youth!

Why The "O" Face!?

Is it an unlucky guy who found himself beneath a cement truck at the wrong time? Perhaps it's the cast of a Roman screaming seconds before the pyroclastic flow from Mt. Vesuvius hit? Maybe it's a little stone baby calcified in some fat chick who never knew she was pregnant? CLICK HERE to find out!

A REVIEW: Get Orange Julius From An iPod Nano!

Remember being a teenager, walking through the mall with your friends to kill time or to hang out with your first love at the dollar movies? You walk past the food court (with your Walkman on your hip), the smell of twenty different eateries foods smashing into each other with a smell that would either entice you to drop a buck fifty on a burger or fries or throw up your Dip N Dots.
You walk past and laugh at the Hot Dog on a Stick girls bouncing up and down on pole to churn their delicious citrus concoction with their goofy hats and uniforms (which explains the boner every time Barnum and Bailey's come into town). You walk past, even though you really want that wiener and lemonade but are too embarrassed to order, and run into the next best thing...Orange Julius! So what does Orange Julius and iPod's have in common (other than "Will It Blend")? Only that I named my new orange iPod Nano 5G "Julius"!

"I haven't seen so many components stuffed into such a tight package since Tom Jones stopped shopping for socks at Costco!"

Apple's iPod Nano 5G has many new additions to it's outer appearance and slender physique, most recognizable being it's debut of a 640 x 480 pixel video camera with a mic that records AAC audio. The display has been generously increased (and we all know that size matters) from the former 240 x 320 pixel 2 inch screen on the 4th generation, to a 240 x 376 pixel 2.2 inch mini-behemoth. Steve Jobs must have tripped over Andy Warhol's paint set onto the Nano's because they definitely have deeper color saturation than their predecessor's (Except the yellow still looks like a dog drank a case of beer, took B vitamins and in a drunken stupor pissed all over the inventory, so continue to stay clear of them...unless you're into that sort of thing). The headphone jack has been moved from the bottom right to the bottom left which I see as a downfall to us righthanded wannabe audiophiles as the jack doesn't fit in the palm of my hand as comfortably as the 4th generation.
Now, we all know that it's not what's on the outside that matters, but what we have going on inside...and the 5G Nano is no exception. FM radio + Live Pause is here! Think about it as a sort of DVR for your radio. You can pause, rewind and tag the music you love. At first the radio can be a bit tricky, but after a few minutes you get the hang of it. The stations come in loud and clear and the option to add your favorites saves a lot of time scanning throught the dial. If you're a freak of nature and enjoy getting up off the couch instead of watching others lose weight on "The Biggest Loser" than you're in luck. A Pedometer has been added as a constant reminder to get outside and work your turkey butt into a sweaty frenzy (remember, the scroll wheel is small on the Nano, and is very hard to operate with sausage fingers)! If you like to listen to music in the dark with the backlight off or if you are Stevie Wonder, you have the option to add Voice Over which speaks the name of the song, along with the artist. Also if you ARE Stevie Wonder and new lyrics just popped in your head, then you are in luck because Voice Memo's are included. One of my favorite features, not so much for the quality as it is with the convenience, is an Internal Speaker. Finally, you can listen to your tracks sans headphones!

With a choice of 8GB ($149) or 16GB ($179), this Nano will leave you with plenty of room for your porn and your Simon & Garfunkel collection.

Get In Touch With Your "Ghetto"!

Growing up a poor middle-class white cracka from suburbia can be difficult yo. You want to blast Geisha's "Shit'n On You Hoe" while giving you the street cred you deserve. Well look no further, Lasonic has brought back a blast from the past you can count on to bring the respect back to your veranda...I mean stoop.

"It's as if the iPod got all dressed up for an 80's party."

Lasonic has created the i931 iPOD "High Performance Portable Music System" aka "Ghetto Blaster". The i931 mimicks Lasonic's TRC-931 single cassette boombox that so prominantely graced the hoods of Brooklyn, Detroit, and Salt Lake City, Utah in the mid-80's. Featuring an iPOD dock, AM/FM Tuner, SD car slot, Full Function Remote, USB and 3.5 mm stereo auxiliary input, along with 12 watt speakers, you'll be guaranteed the rival Buttercream Gang will know who runs the streets when they hear Michael Jackson's "Bad" pumping out of the box you've got propped on your shoulder.

Available in Black ($139), White ($149), White-on-White ($149), and the special "Rap-Up" edition ($169), you can have a box to coordinate with any of your sneaks. So hurry and grab your paper route money and go get one today!

Putting A New Twist On The Light Bulb!

When Nancy Edison dropped her knickers and Samuel dropped trou in the back of a wagon one brisk mid-western night in May 1846, who would have known the product of their tomfoolery would one day lead to such an amazing example of modern design.

This is no "re-invention" of the light bulb, it's a total "re-formation".

Dutch Designer Sander Mulder is the person responsible for taking mundane shidoobee, like the light bulb, and putting a new twist on it as he did with his pendant light dubbed "Eureka".

Made from a laser-cut, postcard-sized aluminum sheet, this light can be shipped to your mother as fast as you can lick a stamp...That's assuming you still have money for stamps after dropping greenbacks on it, something tells me it's not going to be cheap since you have to request a quote via website!